Boundaries and Grief: Listening to Yourself While Grieving

When you're grieving, your body and mind are working overtime to adjust to the reality of your loss. It’s completely normal to feel exhausted and need more sleep than usual. This is your nervous system doing the hard work of trying to protect and heal you.

Sometimes, well-meaning friends or family try to cheer you up by inviting you to parties, gatherings, or casual hangouts. They might offer to talk—but you might not be ready. And that’s okay.

Self-care is not optional right now. It’s essential.

Grief looks different for everyone. Some people can ease back into social life quickly. Others need more time. The most important thing is to check in with yourself and honor what you need.

It’s OK to Say No

When you get invited somewhere, pause and ask yourself:

• How does the idea of going feel in my body?

• Do I feel tightness in my chest? Do my legs feel like running away?

If your body is saying no, trust it. You can kindly decline by saying something like:

“Thank you for thinking of me, and for trying to lift my spirits. I’m just not ready yet.”

That is enough. You don’t need to explain further. Saying no is not a rejection of love—it’s an act of self-love.

And if you decide to give it a try, it’s OK to leave early!

It’s Also OK to Say Yes

On the flip side, sometimes we stop ourselves from saying yes to fun or comforting things because we think we shouldn’t enjoy anything while grieving.

That’s a myth.

Grief is not a punishment. You’re allowed to take breaks from the pain.

Moments of peace, laughter or distraction don’t mean you’ve stopped grieving. They mean you’re human—and your heart needs rest, too.

Setting Boundaries with Yourself

Sometimes the hardest boundaries to set are with ourselves. You might feel guilt or shame. You might blame yourself, or get caught in a loop of "what ifs."

But here’s something to remember:

You are the one friend who will be with you for the rest of your life.

Even as relationships shift and losses come, your inner voice is always there.

So ask yourself:

Would I speak to a dear friend this way?

Would I blame them?

Would I expect them to carry this alone?

If the answer is no, then it’s time to be kinder to yourself.

Gentle Boundaries Also Look Like This:

• Getting up to eat something, even if you don’t feel hungry.

• Stepping outside to breathe in fresh air.

• Taking that walk you’ve been putting off.

• Getting in the shower and letting the warm water hold you—even if it brings tears.

These small actions don’t erase your grief, but they remind you: you’re still here.

And you’re still deserving of care.

Because your loved one would want nothing less for you.

Hello, I’m Marcia. I work with individuals who are grieving the loss of a loved one. This is sacred work and I feel privileged to walk this path alongside you.

Grieving is a profoundly personal and often overwhelming journey. But you don’t have to walk it alone. I’m here to support you as you find your way through the sorrow, and begin to adjust to a new reality shaped by your loss. I am a grief counselor in training, deeply committed to walking alongside individuals and couples navigating grief or anticipatory loss—with compassion, presence, and care.