When Grief Feels Overwhelming: Coping with Stress After Loss
Why Grief Feels So Overwhelming
Grief can feel overwhelming. Your mind, body and emotions are working overtime to adjust to a reality you didn’t choose. Sleep may be disrupted, simple tasks can feel exhausting and irritability often surfaces. You may even feel unfamiliar to yourself in this season of grieving.
Adjusting to life without a loved one’s physical presence can take up enormous mental space, leaving little energy for much else. In The Grieving Brain, Dr. O’Connor explains that our brains are wired to seek out our loved ones regularly—and this doesn’t stop after they die.
That’s why you may experience intrusive thoughts that stir up waves of painful emotion. A sudden memory can surface, reminding you not only of the moments you shared but also of their absence. Or you may pick up the phone to tell them something that just happened, only to realize they can no longer answer your calls.
Another way the brain tries to process loss is through rumination—replaying the “what ifs” and “if onlys” in an attempt to make sense of what happened or to regain a sense of control.
Thoughts like, “If only I had known about the drinking,’”or “What if I had taken her to the hospital sooner?’”are common and completely normal. But because these questions rarely have answers, they can leave you feeling hopeless. Guilt and shame may creep in, and the mental energy rumination demands can leave you even more drained and overwhelmed by the end of the day.
Although we cannot change your loss—or stop the brain from searching for connection or answers—we can learn to ride the waves of grief. Small actions can help us get through the day while easing some of the overwhelm.
Small Self-Care Steps to Help Ease Grief and Stress
Here are a few ways to care for yourself while recovering from a loss:
Give yourself grace. You’re going through one of life’s hardest experiences, and there is no “right” way to grieve. Some days you may have a little more energy and get things done. Other days, the best thing you can do is rest. Both are okay.
Make space for tears. After my brother’s death, I noticed I felt irritable and heavy at times. I realized I felt better when I gave myself permission to cry. I created a grief playlist—songs that opened the door to my emotions. After a good cry, I’d watch something lighthearted or funny to help shift my mood—to keep me from crying for days.
Many grievers fear that if they start crying, they’ll never stop. But as author Pittman-Schultz reminds us in Grieving Us, tears—and even joy—come in waves.
3. Lean on your support system. You don’t have to do this alone. Let someone watch the kids so you can take a walk, breathe and ground yourself. Accept a friend’s offer to bring dinner, sit with you or go for a walk.
Grief feels deeply personal, but it’s also universal—others who have walked this road may understand more than you think. Accepting help or an invitation to talk can help you feel supported and held during this difficult time.
Make a list of the people you can count on for different things. You may not know exactly how and what to ask for, but it is a good start to remind yourself that you have people in your life who care about you.
A therapist can help you figure out what you need and how to ask for support.
4. Respect your needs. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve heard about grief is simple: honor your unique needs. We are unique human beings with specific needs and we grieve differently. Don’t compare your grieving process to others’, but rather pay attention to your needs moment to moment, and do what you can to respect them.
It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to drive to a gathering and realize you’re not ready, then turn around. Just as you would rest and nurture a broken bone, your heart also needs time, gentleness, and care to heal. That may include support from a therapist who understands grief.
There’s no timeline.
No stages to check off.
No tasks to conquer—only the invitation to listen to your body, mind, and emotions, and give yourself what you need as you grieve.
Hello, I’m Marcia. I work with individuals who are grieving the loss of a loved one. This is sacred work and I feel privileged to walk this path alongside you.
Grieving is a profoundly personal and often overwhelming journey. But you don’t have to walk it alone. I’m here to support you as you find your way through the sorrow, and begin to adjust to a new reality shaped by your loss. I am a grief counselor in training, deeply committed to walking alongside individuals and couples navigating grief or anticipatory loss—with compassion, presence, and care.
