Resilience Isn’t About Moving On—It’s About Moving Forward

The worst has happened. Now what?

Look back to the day when you got the news. The day someone - maybe a family member, a friend or stranger - said the words that changed your life.

Look back to the day you found your loved one. That dark, strange day, that almost seems like a dream. A nightmare.

That day is a landmark in your life journey.
Who you were before that day no longer exists.
Life is different now.
You are different.

Did you know you were that strong? 

Loss can be like a powerful tornado that wrecks everything you once knew. When it hits you, you hold on to something as tight as you can, and you manage to survive the violent gusts of wind that come and go. You wonder if you will survive this. You worry about your loved ones, and wonder if they will survive it. You hold your children tightly. You are in survival mode, just going through the motions.

Then one day you wake up disoriented and confused. You wonder if it actually happened. You look around and you don’t recognize what you see.

The grief tornado has changed everything.

The people in your life who weren’t in the eye of the tornado may not recognize its destruction, but you see it clear as water. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to rebuild life. You wonder if life will ever be like it once was. Well intentioned people come to you and ask what they can do to help you. You don’t know what you need. Everything is a mess and you just want to wake up from this nightmare.

The first couple of years are just awful. 

You begin clearing the debris.

Some heavy objects - the guilt, the sorrow, the disbelief - take longer to process and move through.

Slowly, you carved a path through the disturbed landscape of loss.

This is not the path you chose. This is a path that was imposed on you.

So you move the heavy frustration and anger out of your way, and you take a few more steps forward. You are not leaving your loved one behind, just learning to carry them with you as you move through the landscape of grief.

Yet, it’s hard.
You feel heavy.
You realize some of that debris is attached to you.
Piece by piece, you remove the sorrow from your shoulders and find longing underneath it.
Then you remove irritability from your jaw to find sadness hiding there.
You allow yourself to shed some tears, and you feel a little lighter.
You take a few more steps forward.

You then realize you are carrying the people you love and all the roles you have. You let go of some of the roles as they no longer align with the person you are becoming. You let go of the expectations you once had. Perfect can not coexist with the debris in this disturbed environment you live in now, so you let go of that, too. You set boundaries with yourself. You set boundaries with others. You conserve your energy the days you feel heavier, and you say no to the party, the lunch, the volunteer work. You realize your body can’t move as quickly, your mind is foggy, your heart is broken.

You managed to get through all of the firsts - first birthday, first anniversary, first family gathering, the holidays without your loved one - and you also got through the lasts - the last words, the last kiss, the last time you fed them dinner.

You didn’t think you could survive this, but one day you wake up to the sounds of birds.

You open the window and notice that the landscaping has changed.

Though it will never be the same, it now has the greenery of hope, blue skies of strength, and flowers of love.

You remember that catastrophic day and wonder how you managed to survive it. You didn’t know how much strength you had until the grief tornado hit you.

Now you know how resilient you are.

You can survive anything.

Hello, I’m Marcia. I work with individuals who are grieving the loss of a loved one. This is sacred work and I feel privileged to walk this path alongside you.

Grieving is a profoundly personal and often overwhelming journey. But you don’t have to walk it alone. I’m here to support you as you find your way through the sorrow, and begin to adjust to a new reality shaped by your loss. I am a grief counselor in training, deeply committed to walking alongside individuals and couples navigating grief or anticipatory loss—with compassion, presence, and care.